People are attracted to things that are positive, uplifting and encouraging. And, we’re repelled by things that are negative, heavy or things that are just nasty, right? We don’t want to be around that type of energy. But, when there is a living energy, a bright energy, someone that is super positive; those people are sought after. They are somebody we want to be around all the time.
What happens when you lose that joy? And you lose that positivity? You are having a down day and just feel “ugh.” Even the greatest influencers have those moments where we just feel down.
I want to share with you a couple of strategies, things you can implement in your life to ensure that you are always ready to ooze that positivity, that joy and that love, because it is so important.
People everywhere need you to be able to be that source of light and love to them.
So that is what this is all about.
Years ago, I was competing in beauty pageants. The question that was so popular was: ‘If you could do something to change healthcare, what would it be?’ At the time I really thought, what would be my answer? If I could change the healthcare system, what would I want?
I said, “Everybody should have mandated, mandatory nutritionist, a personal trainer like physical trainer, and a therapist on their team.” At that time in my life I had a nutritionist, I was working with a personal trainer, but I wasn’t working with a mental therapist.
I thought, well if this is my answer to all things– the reason was really because I thought, if we had therapists, if everybody was just required to work with a Councillor, a mental therapist; then wouldn’t we be able to avoid so many issues that people are facing on a regular basis? I thought, well if that’s my solution for others, why am I not taking it myself. So I said, “Let’s do this, Alycia.”
I ended up seeing a therapist who was amazing. I refer to him as my mentor, because that is truly how I felt about the relationship. We would just sit down and talk about all kinds of cool things. How I was doing in my work and how I was able to support other people. Really an awesome experience during that period of life.
I want to share with you one of the things he said to me:
Whatever you are full of comes out when you’re bumped
A bump could be if someone cuts you off on the highway, or it could be if you get a back doctors report, or it could be if someone said something nasty about you. You are like, that’s a bump. It could be small, it could be large. Anything that kinds of sets you off of what you thought your course was; that’s your little bump. So whatever you are full of comes out in those moments.
You’ve got to fill up with something good, right? When you get bumped like that, people are watching how you respond. That’s truly the measure of character is how you respond to circumstances when everything is not going perfectly. When everything is going perfectly, most people will respond really well. But it’s when we’re bumped, that’s when the true character is expressed.
When I was competing in beauty pageants, the pageant interview was that time where the judges would try and throw your off your axis, they would try and bump you with crazy questions and things like that. They would want to see that you could still handle yourself, and they want to see what you’re full of. That’s what comes out when you’re bumped.
So my recommendation to you is you fill up on things like positivity, joy, and love. Then when you’re bumped, those are the things that just naturally come out of you.
So how do you do that? That’s the big question, right?
We all want to constantly be positive, be full of love and light and joy and energy, all those beautiful things. But how do we do it?
The truth is you got to find time for you. Find time for you to fill up. Particularly for my coaches out there.
If you are a coach or a consultant, if you are somebody who is serving somebody else, which many of us are, in our work, in our day to day life. Even as a parent we are serving others around us. When you’re doing that, particularly in a professional manner. So if someone is hiring you to be their coach– I used to be a personal trainer, and currently working as a coach. I was helping pageant women for a long time, now I am helping entrepreneurs and coaches. In those moments as a coach, I am being paid to set my stuff aside, and serve who I am working with. That type of relationship is not the type where my stuff comes to the table also, okay?
When I hire other coaches, I expect that they are handling their stuff outside of this time that I am paying to work with them, right? So when YOU are a coach, YOUR things are set aside during the time you are serving your clients. You don’t want to be dealing with your own stuff while you are helping them.
You have to have a system in place that you can deal with your own things with your own coach.
That is the beautiful part of understanding coaching from a coaches perspective. When you are a coach you often value that time, because you know it is time set aside to serve you. When you hire a coach, they are there to serve you. When you are hired, you are there to serve your client. So the coach cannot not be served, and expect to continue serving. You can’t pass it along if you are not getting it pulled into you, okay?
In theory that probably already makes sense to you. But even when I take this a step further, and talk about specifics, okay? Specifically how is it that you can actually fill up where you get that fulfillment, so you are oozing that joy and love. I will tell you what; if you are just meeting with clients day in and day out, and you have like eight client calls a day, that will be draining if you are also not plugging in and getting refueled yourself.
So a couple of little things, and I would love to hear from you as well, if you are watching this video live or replay, I really want to hear from you; what are some of the things that you do that fill you up? That you know that’s what you do for yourself, because it just feels you with love, joy and positivity; it pumps it into you, so you are able to bring that out for your clients, or for those that you influence.
Here are a few that worked awesome for me.
The people I surround myself with. I have found that my influence circle is going to impact how I feel about my day. So I have circled up with people that I know are going to feed me love and joy. It has taken some time over the course of my life to clear out the people that were feeding me negativity, and to bring in the people that were feeding me positivity. We do it for one another and that sort of like the friend group, that’s not my peer level that are– we do this for one another.
There are seasons where someone needs to be poured into a little bit more than others. We allow that to be for one another. So first is my friend group, I have done a really great job of leaving behind the people who don’t serve me, and bringing in more people that I can mutually benefit from. That is number one; your influence circle.
Podcasts and Books
Whether or not you have a powerful influence circle, because there were seasons in my life where I did not, I felt like my friend circle really wasn’t serving me. So a great place to go, this is tip number two for you; is pod-casts and books.
You can get so much from pod-casts and books. When you start listening to people through Youtube shows and things like that. People that are really super positive; you are able to fulfil that for yourself. So you can kind of pull that energy in for you, and use that as well. When you hear people talking about their day to day lives, they are being positive and they are being joyful; that feels like a friend, right? We create those pseudo friendships with outside influencers, even if they are not in your inner circle, okay? So that’s tip number two. First is your friends, second is your pseudo friends. Those are your influencers, pod-casts, books and people outside of you.
This one has radically shifted my life, and this is the thing– if someone moved my neighborhood and said, “Hey Alycia I want to be friends, what can I do first?” I would be like, girl go to church! The church that I have found, sometimes it takes a little church shopping. You got to test out a few different places before you really find your fit.
But my church has been incredible; they have events, they have specific networking groups of people, we call them connect groups. Sometimes churches have Bible studies and things like that where you can connect with circles of friends who are similar. I did a little shopping to find my connect group as well. So I tested a few out and I tell people very honestly, I am just testing it out, I want to make sure it’s a good fit.
My husband taught me this: to not fully commit till you know. Everything is a test when you get started, everything is a pilot program, you know? Test it out at first, even with churches. You go to a church, everyone wants you to go to their church, right? Oh yes keep coming next week– I think you need to try it at least three times to know whether or not you like something. But sometimes you walk into a space and you’re like, nope, I just know, my spirit knows, this is not for me. So then you don’t need to go back there. If you think, okay maybe this is something I could get into, this is a good routine, I could do this. Go two times, three times before you try others, to really get a sense of it. Then you will know when you try other churches how you feel, if it’s a fit or not. So that’s tip number three, go to church.
I say church because in my experience, I go to non-denomination church so it isn’t specifically catholic or Presbyterian or baptist, it isn’t a specific denomination which works for me, but everyone is a little bit different. So you have to find something that works for you. What I have found, when it is a grace filled church, God is light, joy, love and positivity; all those things come from him. So why not plug into that source.
That leads me to tip number four.
Prayer and meditation
When I am praying and I am just fully focused on God, and fully focused on what he has for me and that day; that fills me up. Meditation basically for me, I use as listening to God. So that’s like when I stop talking, that’s my opportunity for God to speak to me. So that’s what I use that prayer and meditation time for, because it plugs me in.
Okay so those are four.
This is like something anybody can do at any time. But it will also radically change you, okay? This fifth tip is positive thinking, okay? So thoughts, sometimes they come into our heads, even if they are not of us, and we are like, where did this thought come from? It’s a nasty thought and it’s not something I want. You got to get rid of it.
You are the thinker of your thoughts.That means you are fully in control to get rid of a thought if it is not serving you, and to bring in new thoughts that are super positive.
So great ways of doing this are finding a quote, scripture, or finding a mantra. Whatever it is that works for you that you are like, when I hear this and when I say this, it fuels me.
I started doing this recently. I wrote a letter to myself. I keep it in my bathroom because when I first wake up in the morning, I go straight to bathroom, I brush my teeth, I wash my face, get myself ready for at least my morning routine. Actually in my bathroom I have a letter right there, where it just speaks life over myself. I just speak life over myself so I start my day feeling really amazing. That small shift, I have only been doing this for about a week, it has made a massive difference.
Having that in the morning to kind of resets me, sets me up for all those other things that I mentioned to get them into my day. When I start off with that positive letter to myself, and speaking life over myself; then I am able to go through my day.
If something is like negative, it is jarring. I feel it in my spirit, woah that’s so negative. I immediately squash it. I will change the subject if it’s with a friend. I will tell them stop, we are not gossiping, don’t do that to me. Any time somebody says something like, “Don’t tell anybody but…” I’m like, well don’t tell me because I am not trying to keep secrets from people. I can not do that. Obviously if it’s something in confidence– that’s different. But if it’s gossipy like, “Don’t say anything but…” I am like nuh-uh, I can’t be bothered with those type of things. So squash it right away, okay?
So those are five tips to love up on yourself a little bit, to make sure you are able to ooze that positivity in your life.
What are the things that you do on a regular basis, or just when you need it? When it’s like a sporadic thing that is like, this is what fuels me, this is what fills my cup to ensure I am able to go out there and give to others, okay?
Of course the main one, I guess this goes without saying; to work with someone, when you hire a coach that is– I said that at the beginning, but I want to make sure that point is not lost on you. When you hire someone and their role is to serve you in that way; it’s different than an accountability partner, or someone where you are more like a friend, or peer to peer. But when you hire a coach, it’s by design, it is intended to give you an opportunity to be filled. So that person is pouring into you, that allows your cup to be full so then you can go out and face the world.
I want to make sure that when you hire someone else, their job is to pour into you. You shouldn’t have to be dealing with any negative drama or things from them, as you would maybe with a friend when you are taking turns lifting one another up. But hiring a coach is an incredible way to fill your bucket!